Worst mom ever!

So since the day Kadence was born she has been in my bed. It made things so easy. She slept through the night, it made feeding her easy, I wasnt constantly checking if she was breathing. I felt safer having her beside me and could sleep soundly knowing she was alive. As time went on, I got used to sleeping with her and she got used to sleeping with me. For me there wasnt any reason to kick her to her own bed yet. Seth worked graves so he wasnt in the bed. I just wanted my baby close to me.

Well for a few months I have tried getting Kadence to sleep by herself. I would put her to sleep and either put her in her bed or put her on Seths side of the bed. She would only sleep an hour before she would wake up and want me. So I did what I thought I could never do... I let her cry. I do not believe in the cry-it-out method at all. I think it is mean and cruel. No baby should have to cry and not know why their parents arent coming to save them. I felt like the worst mom in the world. Unfortunately it was time. Kadence has started sprawling and getting restless. She is getting to big to sleep with.

So 3 days ago, against my beliefs, I put Kadence into her crib and let her cry. She cried for 20 minutes and the whole time was yelling "mama" and trying to climb out. It was the sadest thing I have ever seen. It felt like she thought she was being punished for something. That I had abandoned her or something. After she finally stopped crying, she slumped in a corner and put her blanket over her head. I couldnt believe what I did. After I got into bed, she woke up every hour sometimes crying, sometime whining, and I had to ignore her. She slept all night by herself and it wasnt that bad. After the 20 minutes of crying she hardly cried. It was a rough night. Neither one of us slept much.

Night #2- I put Kadence in her crib and she didnt cry at all. She whined a little bit and was dramatic. She slumped in a corner again and put her blanket over her head. Then her knelt on the floor and put her face straight down. he did this whole poor, poor pitiful me act. But she didnt cry. I went to bed and she woke a 3-4 times and stood up, looked at me, then fell right back to sleep. This night was better.

Night #3-I put her down and she didnt make a sound. She didnt try to stand up or reach for me. She just laid there and fell asleep. Then she only woke up twice that I knew of. And as far as I could tell she just rolled over and went back to sleep. This night was the best and what I am hoping lasts. If she could just lay down and go to sleep every night I would be so happy.

Today it was her nap time. I was still taking naps with her cause I want her to know that I still loved sleeping with her, but she wouldnt fall asleep. So after about 20 mins and restlessness I put her in her crib. She protested for a sec then just laid her head down and passed out. It was so nice.

I hated letting her cry but I am so thankful that it only lasted 1 night. I dont know if I could have dealt with the crying again. I dont believe in crying-it-out but it seemed to work for Kadence. I felt like the worst mom ever but Kadence is sleeping by herself and if only took 1 day:)